Sunday, January 30, 2005

Stupid Americans

My friend's 15-year-old sister summed up my MIL without even knowing anything she's done. "She doesn't give a shit. She doesn't care about him being happy, she only cares about herself being happy. She'll stop at nothing to get what she wants." I wish I had been so smart at 15.

She went on to say that Hispanic mothers are overprotective and her mother is the same way. She said my MIL wanted my husband to marry a Hispanic girl and when she realized that we were going to get married, it pissed her off. Even though we were together for six years before we officially got engaged, she didn't believe it would last. I guess she knows this from experience with her own mother because I don't think she really knows my MIL.

Hmm. Oh well. I wonder what she thought when she found out her daughter was getting married to a black guy. Hehe.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

My MIL accused me of sending a piece of her mail back to the INS, or whatever it's called now. Later she changed the story and said that because I made her change her address, she got this piece of mail too late. *If she was still getting her mail at our house then everything would be ok.* She complained that she has to get everything fixed. I find out today that it wasn't too late (I actually knew this already because she was complaining that she had to get her fingerprints taken 14 days from January 4th when the mail was sent and it was the 27th) and she went and did what she was supposed to do. The person she spoke with even asked her why she never told them she moved and gave her a change of address form to fill out. That's the question I've been trying to answer.

Nevermind that she finally had her mail forwarded to her house after 2 1/2 years and we no longer get her shit, but what gives her the right to call and accuse me of anything when the only think I've ever "done" to her is send a few pieces of her mail to her house? And who cares if I did send it back? After begging her for over 2 years to change her address, I think that's nice compared to what most people would do. She should have changed it right after she moved out instead of making Jose give her mail to her all that time. She should be glad I sent those 3 pieces of mail to her house and not back to the sender. Why does she think she should be able to use our mailbox forever?

What makes this even better is that she called my husband and told him all this so he would get mad at me. *I never should have made her change her address because she is special and can use everyone's homes as she pleases. And look what I've done now. She may get deported now because I wouldn't let her use our mailbox. She shouldn't have to tell anyone that she moved and get her mail at her new house like everyone else does. The normal thing to do is to keep getting your mail at your old house for as long as you want.*

Even if you leave out the part about her story not making any sense at all, the whole thing is still stupid. Why would anyone not want their mail to go to their own house? I've tried and tried, but I can't figure this out. And I can't figure out how she hasn't managed to kill herself somehow during the activities of everyday life. They seem so difficult for her.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

A description of my mother-in-law

My MIL is about 5'2, 45 yrs old, slightly overweight, never wears makeup except maybe childish, reddish lip gloss on special occasions, thick, black hair just below the shoulders. She usually wears it in a ponytail or pushes it back with a hair band (or whatever they're called--the kind we wore in the '80s). She looks like a dorky little girl. She's kind of dumpy and either has a vacant look on her face or a slightly pained look (she always thinks she's sick and that everyone's mean to her). She usually wears very plain clothing, except when she wears things that are 2 sizes too small or too big or some crazy pattern or color.

She acts like she's so happy to see people, but when they turn around or walk away, she rolls her eyes. She fakes excitement after anything you say. She says "WOW!" and her eyes get real big and she smiles and shakes her head at you like whatever you said is the greatest thing in the world. When she's not doing that, she complains about what a bad day she's having b/c someone was mean to her or b/c she has a headache, her stomach hurts, her feet hurt or some other very personal problem that you wouldn't want to know about--she has hemorrhoids, she's constipated or has diarreah. And of course her stomach is always hurting and she needs help doing everything b/c of the hysterectomy she had over a year ago.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Background on my relationship with MIL

To make a long story short and leave out vital details for privacy, my MIL "adopted" my husband. Not legally and she didn't raise him, but for some reason this is his "mom." When he moved in with her for a few years after moving to the states, she treated him like shit, blaming him for everything that went wrong in her life. He moved out to get away from her nonsense.

Well, in the past four or five years (we have been together for over seven years), she decided that she should be nice to him and began butting into his business. To make matters worse, she won't help him with anything, but expects him to help her every time she asks. She also gets mad when someone doesn't agree with her about everything.

Two and a half years ago Jose moved into and started buying the house she used to live in. Big mistake--but we got along at the time and I didn't realize what a pain she was. At the time, I still lived with my parents and spent the night with him a few nights a week. After we moved in, she continued to come and go as she pleased with her own key that she wouldn't give up. Sometimes she would knock and then come in, but most of the time she wouldn't even knock. She wouldn't talk to Jose for two weeks when he told her to stop walking in all the time and did the same thing when he asked her for her key.

We decided to get married in November 2003. That is when the shit really hit the fan. Before that, she was mildy annoying, but we got along. Since then, she has done things to intentionally get on my nerves, like stopping by when she knows Jose isn’t home to ask stupid questions that I don't know anything about anyway. For a while, she called to ask for him five minutes after he left the house when she was next door at SIL's house and knew he was gone. She is next door at SIL's house almost every day. One time, she even made up some crazy story about him calling her instead of me for something, and ended the conversation with "he called me because he loves me." He told me that he hadn't called her at all that day.

My best friend's mother and grandmother held a bridal tea for me two months before the wedding. Even though I didn't want to, I invited MIL to be nice. The entire week before, she asked my friend's mom, my husband and myself about bringing SIL's two kids, ages four and five, while describing how uncontrollable the 5-year-old boy is. I told her she could bring the girl, but not the boy after she asked both DH and friend's mom and they said no. Unsatisfied, she told all of us the next day that she had to bring the boy. Since the tea was at a country club and on my friend's grandmother's membership, I insisted that she not bring the boy. The entire morning, Jose had been calling her to tell her she couldn't bring the boy and she kept hanging up on him. She got really pissed and I wasn't sure if she was coming at all, by herself with one kid or two kids, until she showed up 45 minutes late with the little girl and kept telling me and everyone else that the boy was mad because he couldn't come. Yeah, right.

The day of our wedding, she and the rest of the family, who was riding with her, showed up 30 minutes late for the ceremony, keeping everyone waiting. They were 1 hour late for pictures that were supposed to be taken before the ceremony. Their excuse was that they had to take someone to the airport 4 hours before the ceremony started. My husband was nearly in tears, from what I've heard, the guests were tired of waiting and I was close to a murderous rage. They talked while I was walking down the aisle, during the ceremony while I was saying my vows (I almost forgot what I was saying) and tried to follow us while we were taking private post-nuptial pictures. They also left early during the reception, not bothering to help clean up and got mad at me when they left because I didn't run over to them to tell them bye. They waited for me to walk over to them to tell them good bye and stared at me as I tried to talk to other guests.

When we got home from our honeymoon, the first thing I noticed was that a rose growing in a planter outside had been cut down completely. My mom, who I had asked to come feed our fish told me MIL had been there and told her all about how she planted those plants and they were hers, as my mom was watering them. The next day, the plant was gone.

Another problem was that my fish would not come out of hiding until the day after we got back. My mom said he was fine until after the rose incident. I can only guess that SIL's kids terrorized him while the inlaws had a get together in our home. (MIL still has a key that my husband is afraid to ask her for--I am in the process of having the locks changed). Also missing were a box from the closet filled with old shoes that MIL had left there over two years ago when she actually lived here, a beer from the fridge, gum on the table, a box I was saving to return something in and my contact lens solution. I guess they had a small party here. SIL is the only one who would take the beer (it was her brand), the kids would want the gum and to scare the fish and MIL would do everything else.

That is the worst of it and just what she did between July and October of last year. There is much more....

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Perfect daughter-in-law

A poster on motherinlawstories.com asked what your mother-in-law would consider the perfect daughter-in-law. Here's my description of what my mother-in-law thinks is the perfect daughter-in-law:


She would be from El Salvador, short like MIL, pretty but not too pretty, a little overweight so MIL could tell her she needs to lose weight and could tell her how to do it. She would have very thin, brittle hair so she would compliment MIL on how thick and beautiful her hair is and she would tell MIL every day how much she wishes she had MIL's hair.

She wouldn't know how to cook toast and would be dying for MIL to try to teach her. She would give everyone a key to her house to come and go as they please.

She would make lots of money and be more than willing to give it to MIL when she asked and she wouldn't ask MIL to pay her back b/c everyone owes MIL everything. She would be a doctor and would see MIL for free for her daily illnesses and she would work part time at MIL's favorite store so she could get a discount. She would be busy at work most of the time and she wouldn't see DH very much so MIL could be alone with him all the time, but even when she got home she would want MIL to stay around as long as she wanted.

She would be cheerful all the time and never have a bad day. She would love it when people treat her like she's stupid and tell her how to do everything. She would agree with MIL that Americans ARE stupid.

Monday, January 03, 2005

The sickening relationship between a mother and her son

I've always wondered what makes people hate others for no apparent reason. My mother-in-law hates me. There's no logical reason that I can see, but she does. The feeling is mutual, though, and it doesn't bother me that she wishes me ill will. Her craziness will backfire on her one of these days.

This story is way too complicated and long to post at once, but the basics are that my mother-in-law never seemed to really like me, but she acted as though she did until my husband, Jose, and I decided to get married. Instead of just being weird, she started being openly bitchy. She did a lot of things on purpose to annoy me and make my life difficult.

A message board I go to often, motherinlawstories.com, has lots of stories from other people with the same problem and a lot of my stories are there. It's great to know that other people have to deal with crazies they are stuck with because they are related to them. I like making fun of her to other people, too.

The prevailing theory on this board is that the relationship between mothers and sons borders on being romantic and when another woman enters the picture the mother gets jealous and doesn't want to share her son. It's kind of like the saying, "A girl's first love is her father." A boy's first love is his mother. Sounds strange and nauseating, but it makes sense. Usually, the first relationship a boy has with a female is with his mother. She's always there and she loves and cares for him. This is normal and healthy, but the problem starts when the son has a serious relationship with another female and the mother doesn't know what to do. Interesting concept, but infuriating.

I've learned a lot from this board and it has made my life a lot easier. Even if you don't have mother-in-law problems, a lot of the stories are entertaining. I know mine are. They even make me laugh after I'm done being pissed off about it because they are so ridiculous and I know other people would be amused by them. This site also has other boards about other family members, where you can complain about your sister, parents or other in laws. It's worth checking out even if you are fortunate enough to not have at least one family member you can't stand. If you are so lucky, visit this site and find out what the rest of us normal people have to deal with.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

141,000...

and counting. That's more than half the size of the city I live in. This puts September 11 out of the running for disaster of the century.

If any good can come out of this, maybe the rest of the world will stop complaining that Americans made such a big deal about September 11 because we had never been through a disaster of that size. While that's true, we're making a big deal about the tsunami, too, so it's not because we feel sorry for ourselves. Admittedly, if the death toll was much lower, there probably wouldn't be as much news coverage, but both events were unprecendented. There had never been an attack on U.S. soil of that magnitude and this is more than likely going to be the largest natural disaster in history.