Thursday, January 20, 2005

Background on my relationship with MIL

To make a long story short and leave out vital details for privacy, my MIL "adopted" my husband. Not legally and she didn't raise him, but for some reason this is his "mom." When he moved in with her for a few years after moving to the states, she treated him like shit, blaming him for everything that went wrong in her life. He moved out to get away from her nonsense.

Well, in the past four or five years (we have been together for over seven years), she decided that she should be nice to him and began butting into his business. To make matters worse, she won't help him with anything, but expects him to help her every time she asks. She also gets mad when someone doesn't agree with her about everything.

Two and a half years ago Jose moved into and started buying the house she used to live in. Big mistake--but we got along at the time and I didn't realize what a pain she was. At the time, I still lived with my parents and spent the night with him a few nights a week. After we moved in, she continued to come and go as she pleased with her own key that she wouldn't give up. Sometimes she would knock and then come in, but most of the time she wouldn't even knock. She wouldn't talk to Jose for two weeks when he told her to stop walking in all the time and did the same thing when he asked her for her key.

We decided to get married in November 2003. That is when the shit really hit the fan. Before that, she was mildy annoying, but we got along. Since then, she has done things to intentionally get on my nerves, like stopping by when she knows Jose isn’t home to ask stupid questions that I don't know anything about anyway. For a while, she called to ask for him five minutes after he left the house when she was next door at SIL's house and knew he was gone. She is next door at SIL's house almost every day. One time, she even made up some crazy story about him calling her instead of me for something, and ended the conversation with "he called me because he loves me." He told me that he hadn't called her at all that day.

My best friend's mother and grandmother held a bridal tea for me two months before the wedding. Even though I didn't want to, I invited MIL to be nice. The entire week before, she asked my friend's mom, my husband and myself about bringing SIL's two kids, ages four and five, while describing how uncontrollable the 5-year-old boy is. I told her she could bring the girl, but not the boy after she asked both DH and friend's mom and they said no. Unsatisfied, she told all of us the next day that she had to bring the boy. Since the tea was at a country club and on my friend's grandmother's membership, I insisted that she not bring the boy. The entire morning, Jose had been calling her to tell her she couldn't bring the boy and she kept hanging up on him. She got really pissed and I wasn't sure if she was coming at all, by herself with one kid or two kids, until she showed up 45 minutes late with the little girl and kept telling me and everyone else that the boy was mad because he couldn't come. Yeah, right.

The day of our wedding, she and the rest of the family, who was riding with her, showed up 30 minutes late for the ceremony, keeping everyone waiting. They were 1 hour late for pictures that were supposed to be taken before the ceremony. Their excuse was that they had to take someone to the airport 4 hours before the ceremony started. My husband was nearly in tears, from what I've heard, the guests were tired of waiting and I was close to a murderous rage. They talked while I was walking down the aisle, during the ceremony while I was saying my vows (I almost forgot what I was saying) and tried to follow us while we were taking private post-nuptial pictures. They also left early during the reception, not bothering to help clean up and got mad at me when they left because I didn't run over to them to tell them bye. They waited for me to walk over to them to tell them good bye and stared at me as I tried to talk to other guests.

When we got home from our honeymoon, the first thing I noticed was that a rose growing in a planter outside had been cut down completely. My mom, who I had asked to come feed our fish told me MIL had been there and told her all about how she planted those plants and they were hers, as my mom was watering them. The next day, the plant was gone.

Another problem was that my fish would not come out of hiding until the day after we got back. My mom said he was fine until after the rose incident. I can only guess that SIL's kids terrorized him while the inlaws had a get together in our home. (MIL still has a key that my husband is afraid to ask her for--I am in the process of having the locks changed). Also missing were a box from the closet filled with old shoes that MIL had left there over two years ago when she actually lived here, a beer from the fridge, gum on the table, a box I was saving to return something in and my contact lens solution. I guess they had a small party here. SIL is the only one who would take the beer (it was her brand), the kids would want the gum and to scare the fish and MIL would do everything else.

That is the worst of it and just what she did between July and October of last year. There is much more....


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