Saturday, April 30, 2005

La Suegra...Infernal

Jennifer Lopez was on The Tonight Show last night to promote her new movie, Monster-In-Law, a movie I am required by law to see. And I will, even though I'm sure it has a sappy ending in which the mother-in-law sees the err of her ways and learns to love her new daughter-in-law and everyone lives happily ever after.

The local public access channels here automatically put subtitles on the screen. Ours are in Spanish for some reason. The Spanish translation used for Monster-In-Law was La Suegra Infernal. English translation--The Infernal Mother-In-Law or The Mother-In-Law from Hell or, my favorite, The Hellacious Mother-In-Law.

I taunted Jose with my new phrase the rest of the night, imitating the voice of an announcer. "La Suegra...Infernal." All I got was evil looks.

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The "missing bride" from Georgia was found today. She took a bus to Las Vegas and then New Mexico because she was stressed out over her wedding. That's my threat when I get stressed out, ( "One day I'm going to go live in the desert by myself") but she actually did it. Maybe she even threatens it like I do.

"See, somebody really did it. One day that will be me," I told Jose. But I think I'd just tell everyone I was leaving instead of going through the trouble of making up an abduction story and scaring the shit out of my family. I just wouldn't tell them where I was going if I wanted them to leave me alone. I mean, if you really, really didn't want a wedding the size of a small town, then you really, really shouldn't have had one. Look at me, mine was only about 50 people. And it wouldn't have been very stressful if there hadn't been a hurricane. But that's another story.

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