Tuesday, June 28, 2005

B freakin' S

We're starting our fourth week in the restaurant. And still no MIL. We heard from friends at a another restaurant we went to on Sunday that she had left right before we got there. Darn. Sorry we missed her. She went to eat Mexican somewhere else AGAIN and she was off all weekend as always. My guess is that her excuse will be that she can only eat Mexican on Sundays and since we're closed on Sundays now, how can she go there? It's our fault for closing on Sunday because if we didn't she might go. We're just not making it convenient enough for her even though she has three days off per week.

Jose talked to her the other day and asked her if she had heard anyone say anything about the restaurant. And she had. She told him she heard people say that anyone who opens a restaurant where we did will go out of business because there are only black people there. Black people don't have the money to eat out? They don't like Mexican food? I don't know, but that's what she said. Ignoring how racist that is, we are surrounded by offices and upper-class neighborhoods. Even if all those offices are inhabited by only black people, they have to eat, too. And people get tired of taking their lunch every day and sometimes they want to eat out. Some eat at restaurants EVERY DAY. And if only black people live in those neighborhoods, considering the size of those houses, the owners can afford to eat Mexican food. Whatever color they are.

She also told him that someone said that the Super (Duper) Wal-mart that is being built down the street isn't going to be built anymore. Notice how I said, "the Wal-mart that is being built." As in right now, as I type. Wal-mart bought the 50 or so old houses in the neighborhood, tore them down and cleared the land. But now I guess they've changed their minds. Oh no! We're ruined! I guess that means the Publix isn't going to be built either, even though it's halfway finished. What are we to do?!

Apparently he called her back the next morning for God knows what and she told him that her boss (a Mexican restaurant owner) was the one who said all that. That may be true, but it sounds like some bullshit MIL would make up. Mostly because it makes NO FUCKING SENSE. She wants everyone to be miserable all the time, including herself. By saying that BS, whether someone actually said it or not, she wanted us to think that no one will come to our place, we won't make any money, we'll have to close the restaurant and be miserable for the rest of our lives because we didn't ask her to be part of it and she must be included in everything and enjoy the benefits of everything and do absolutely nothing for it because EVERYONE IN THE WORLD is supposed to help her make money so she doesn't have to work for it because she's such a wonderful person. Grrr.

She can't say anything good about anything. I'm sure she's also heard a few good things about us (we're kind of a buzz in the community, especially among Mexican cuisine connoisseurs, i.e. Mexican restaurant frequenters). But why tell us anything good? That might actually make us feel good and she can't be the cause of that.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Rice and beans

Wes, a good friend from high school, recently started serving with us after getting fired from another job. He will be a bartender soon whenever we get the damn liquor license. Fucking Alabama. Well, my point is that Wes speaks very little Spanish and the cooks speak very little English. So they are all having a hard time understanding each other with the food orders. They communicate via elaborate hand signals and the English and Spanish they know or kind of know. Today I was in the kitchen and caught part of one of these exchanges as Wes tried to explain an order to the cooks. What I caught was:

"Rice or beans?"
"Rice and beans."
"Rice or beans?"
"Rice and beans."
"Rice or beans?"
"Rice and beans. You can't do both?"
"Yes, both."
"Poquito rice, poquito frio (A little rice, a little cold)."
"Oh, ok."

Wes was trying to tell them he needed rice and beans with an order. The word for beans is frijoles, not frio. Frio means cold. I heard some things came out wrong with this table. I'm not sure what, but I wonder if they gave him cold rice instead of rice and beans.

Another thing is that the cooks think he does cocaine because he blows his nose a lot. When he goes in the kitchen they say, "Cocaina?" He always says, "No." "Cocaina, si." "No cocaina." Who knows about these guys. Today he went in the kitchen and one said, "Marijuana?" "I DON'T DO DRUGS," he shouted. "Marijuana, si."

Saturday, June 18, 2005

She has hemorrhoids

MIL has called Jose twice in the past week. The first time was to tell him that a guy she sold a trailer to wanted to pay everything he owes her. The second time was to ask him why she hadn't gotten money from another guy she sold a car to. Yep, you guessed it. She wanted Jose to take care of these things for her. He doesn't have enough to do right now with our new restaurant. He needs to deal with her shit, too.

To make it stupider, she works with the guy who bought the trailer from her, but she thinks it's better for Jose to deal with him even though she sees him four days a week all day long. Despite that, she expects Jose to take time out of his day to go to the restaurant where she and this guy work, get the money from him, give him a bill of sale, etc. All things she could do herself. WHILE SHE'S AT WORK.

The guy who bought the car from her moved to another city and hasn't been making payments when he's supposed to. That's her fault for selling a car to someone she didn't know and letting him make payments on it. She needs to deal with it but she wants Jose to deal with it because he knew the guy and found out he wanted to buy a car. However, Jose wasn't and isn't friends with him and can't get in touch with him any better than MIL can. All he has is the same cell phone number MIL has.

But she's too feeble and helpless to do anything for herself. And her life is so hard. People should always help her with everything because she's always sooo tired and she has a headache and her stomach hurts and she has hemorrhoids. It's not fair. It's no good. Anything anyone else has to do is nothing compared to what SHE has to do every day. It's too much to bear. That's why she's incapable of helping anyone else. Everyone owes it her.


In other stupid observations, MIL's sister-in-law came in the restaurant last night acting like a spy. She walked in with a group of people trying blend in while she was on the phone. She was with Samantha's ( a server) boyfriend's family. Her husband and kids didn't come. It gave me the feeling that she was hoping nobody would recognize her if she was with them. We hadn't seen her in a long time, but the huge nose and nasty teeth gave her away.

She looked around at EVERYTHING while she was on the phone (with MIL?). And it wasn't looking around in a good way. It was the way MIL used to come in our house looking for anything that was even a little bit dirty or not done exactly the way she would do it. Then she kept staring at me. I was sitting at the register and I kept feeling someone's stare from the back of the room. When I looked up it was always her. Telling MIL if I'm doing anything or not, maybe? They like to pretend that I'm lazy and I never do anything. And they especially like to talk about it. They would be happy sitting around for hours talking shit about me if they actually had anything to say. They must be getting bored and they need to find new things to make up about me. I wonder if MIL will ever actually go there or if she will just keep sending more spies.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

And the award for "Worst Mother in the United States" goes to...

Bernarda Claribel Guevara. 334-514-7263. Call and congratulate her. Next she will be competing for the title of "Worst Mother in the World."

Here is an account of one of the many deeds, just the latest in a series of dubious events, that earned her this notorious title:

Last night, Rodolfo, one of the waiters at our restaurant, told Jose that he saw Jose's mom at another Mexican restaurant where one of his friends works. He asked Jose why she doesn't come to our restaurant. Jose said he didn't know.

How awkward is that?

I guess that means she won't ever come to our restaurant. Oh, darn. But seriously, that's really fucked up. Sure, she's free to eat wherever she wants, but she's never even tried our restaurant and she goes to another Mexican restaurant to eat right after we open.

Now how does that look? Jose's "mom" won't even eat at our restaurant. People will either think she's a bitch and doesn't support her "son" at all (and they would be right) or they will think that our food is so bad that even she won't eat there.

Thanks for all your help, you pathetic excuse for a human being.

I'm kind of glad that I don't have to see her there, but it pisses me off that she has to make Jose feel like shit all the time and it's bad advertising for us. Thank God she doesn't know too many people and some of them know what a nut job she is. I thought she would come by sometimes to get a discount, but I guess hurting Jose in any way she can is way more important than saving money and pretending that you're important. I was planning to treat her just like any other customer that I don't know. I wasn't going to be petty and stupid the way she HAS to be ALL THE TIME and I've never been that way anyway.

And why in the hell does she have to make such a big deal about the fact that she hates me? I can't stand her either, but I don't tell everyone I meet about it and make a huge deal out of it every chance I get. When I see her in public, I just don't speak to her. I don't make mean faces at her and TRY to make her feel weird or tell everyone what a bitch she is. I sort of pretend she's not there. I bitch about her a lot here, but I don't offline. Only when she pulls some shit like this, but even then I don't bore everyone I meet with it.

I guess being a civilized human being is too much for her to handle. It's obviously way out of character for her to be anything other than a pain in the ass for everyone in the world.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

It's a boycott

MIL still hasn't been to the restaurant. This will be our sixth day open. SIL went a few days ago and ate for free since it was her first time and I was feeling very giving that day. No one else from the whole family has gone. In contrast, everyone in my family has eaten there at least twice. MIL will probably go when she knows I won't be there. And she'll expect to eat for free. She'll be pissed when she only gets 50% off. The other thing about it is that if I'm not there, Jose probably won't be there either so she'll look extra stupid and bitchy for going when he's off. But that's ok. I don't want to have to see her anyway and at least I don't have to explain to everybody what a bitch she is and why I don't like her. She's explaining it for me.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Can't we all just get along?

So, no one from Jose's family came to the dinner Sunday night. Not one person. The next day, a few people asked me why they weren't there. "Because I'm here," I said. I got the usual, "You're kidding" and open-mouthed stare. No, I'm not. So far, only SIL has come by with her kids and her semi-mother-in-law. But who cares? I had a much better time without MIL's poisonous vibe in the room. She might come one day when I'm not there, which proves what a childish bitch she is once again.

We opened for business on Monday. Business has been pretty good. We were on the 6 o'clock news for our 98 health score, the local newspaper is going to write a review on us and people we know have been distributing our menus EVERYWHERE. We've gotten a lot of positive feedback from customers. They LOVE our food. At night, we play jazz, light candles, put tablecloths on the tables and dim the lights. All the customers are so chill and well-behaved. And it really looks awesome at night, if I do say so myself.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

She's so uncomfortable

that she came in the restaurant today with FIL and SIL's ninos talking and laughing extra loudly. Too loudly.

Sam, a girl who is going to serve tables with us, knows MIL from the restaurant where MIL works. Sam and I were putting together menus. MIL made sure she sounded extra happy to see Sam and when she was leaving said bye to her extra enthusiastically.

I'm so jealous. And uncomfortable.

The two acts of charity that changed the world as we know it

Otherwise known as "The Two Good Things Jose's 'Mom' Has Done for Him in His Entire Life."*


When Jose was a young child, he developed a mysterious illness, leaving him incapacitated for months. He was too weak to leave his bed and everyone thought he would die. Numerous doctors were called and after all hope was lost, a priest was called to give him his last rights. Eventually he recovered. Since the family members left in El Salvador had no money, and I mean N-O money, MIL, being the charitable, giving person that she is and being in the U.S., decided to help pay for the medical bills spent on trying to keep a small child alive.

Note: The country was involved in a bloody civil war at the time, rendering the Salvadoran Colon, practically useless. Currently, the exchange rate of American currency to Salvadoran currency is about $1 to 8 colones. At that time, it was much higher. A fortune in El Salvador was probably no more than a minor inconvenience in American dollars.


Neighborhood boys/men in El Salvador form "gangs" to help protect their neighborhood from other neighborhoods. At least they did in the early 90s. Jose made the mistake of beating up (geez, this sounds bad) a boy in another gang. This enfuriated the boy's friends and they vowed to kill Jose for it. They waited for him after school, but couldn't get to him through his own friends. They also watched his home, so he never went back there. The situation was bad and it looked as though he would eventually be killed if he didn't get away from the city. Jose's grandmother (who actually raised him) begged MIL to bring Jose to the states and away from trouble. She grudgingly agreed after some time and MIL and FIL paid for Jose to come to the states via Guatemala.

There you have it. The two good things MIL has done for Jose in his entire life. The generosity must be blowing you away.

Note: Once Jose was in the states, he was required to get a job. He was given the choice to work or go to school. He chose school, but was still made to work. MIL and FIL kept every paycheck he got to repay his debt to them for being so astoundingly generous and saving his life twice. This went on for at least a year or two before Jose had had enough of their BS with keeping his money and other things. He moved out to get away from their dysfunction...and here we are.

*See comments in previous post.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Woe is her

I've just been informed that MIL is "uncomfortable" when she goes in our restaurant. Because of me. Therefore, she may not be going to the dinner we're having Sunday night for family members and close friends. What kind of mother can't go to her "son's" new restaurant because his wife is there. I guess the same kind of mother who would show up an hour late for her "son's" wedding.

Now, of course, this is made to seem as though this "uncomfortableness" is my fault. Even though I was made to feel uncomfortable in my own house, MIL's house or anywhere she and I were at the same time for years. Forget that I was harrassed, made fun of and generally treated like shit by her every chance she got.

Let's also forget that if Crazy had been at least civilized to me for the past several years, had not tried to ruin everything I did, didn't talk shit about me to everyone she knew and didn't try to turn my husband against me, she wouldn't feel "uncomfortable" around me. And I would have no reason to be contemptuous of her. Anyway, it's not like I sit around making evil faces at her and obviously turning my head in the exact opposite direction of where she's standing the way she does in an attempt to make me uncomfortable. I don't talk to her, she doesn't talk to me. If that makes her "uncomfortable," it's her own damn fault. Even if I did go out of my way to make her "uncomfortable" I have pretty damn good reasons to.

So apparently the whole familia Crazy may not participate Sunday because MIL has to start shit with/about me every chance she gets. I personally don't give a fuck. It just proves my point to everyone and it should prove something to Jose. If she can be ridiculous about something, she will. I mean, it's not like I'm going to sit on top of the table in front of her and make mean faces. Or point my finger and laugh at her. Or steal her lunch money. But whatever she has to do to be stupid and dramatic and draw attention away from everything else to herself is worth whatever she has to do. She's even trying to act like she gives a flying fuck what I think, asking Jose if I'm happy about the restaurant, blah, blah, blah, bullshit. PUHHLEEASE. "Oh, I feel so uncomfortable around Susan. I don't want to go to the restaurant. Boo hoo. But how she doing? She like the restaurant?" That BS will wear off soon enough.